lördag, november 26, 2005

Darkest secret

My boyfriend is a chef which means that I almost never have to make dinner for the two of us. Since I am a total disaster in the kitchen (with a few minor exceptions) that is very much a blessing.

Today however I had to make something all by my little self since he's been working all day. I don't really mind the cooking nor the eating of my tastless, or sometimes down right disgusting food, but I would never serve it to someone else. Let alone the man I love.

So I tried to eat it all up even though it tasted like crap just so there would be no left overs. It turned out to be an impossible task. More than half of my excuse for food was still left when I couldn't make myself to take another bite.

I shoved the substance down into the tupperware thingy. It's in there now, waiting to reveal my darkest secret that I have been able to keep from him for quite some time. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I couldn't very well keep doing those three courses that I master for all eternity.

Time to face the music!


I also managed to tear down the drapes in the shower earlier today. But other than that I haven't tampered with or destroyed anything else around here. So when I think about it, it's been a pretty OK day.

Bored

Very popular within the Spanish speaking community this blogging is.

I think I'm too tired becase I went through a lot of random blogs and didn't find a singel one interesting. But I'm probably too tired. My own blog isn't that interesting either after all. But I have no desire to have strangers reading it either. Perhaps they didn't feel that need either.

Except from the Spanish blogs, which I didn't understand much of, most blogs were too long. Others were too political (and worse, supporting Bush). One or two were written by idiots with no brains who managed to write a lot of uninteresting crap about absolutely nothing. Like Seinfeld minus the wit and the brilliance. One blog didn't have any text, just picture after picture of naked buttoms. Female buttoms. I guess you have to be a special kind of guy to appreciate that.

Anyways, I'm bored.

torsdag, november 17, 2005

Two Ships in the Night

The tap is dripping. It's always doing that and stil I forget to steer it into the direction where the dropps fall in a slope and becomes silent. It's amazing how one's brain can be so disfunctional after six months of not studying.

I was working for a juice company today, as usual handing out samples to people in the grocery store. Aside for the occasional interesting people that stumbles across my sampling corner, it's not a very exciting job. I've been doing it during my studies and since I'm still not getting anything else it's the only job I have at the moment. I guess it's OK, it's just very monotonous.

Next week I believe I will sample brie on Friday and work as a clown on Saturday. The clown gig is OK. I've been a princess too. Twice. Those jobs often includs doing something for the children which is nice. It beats pouring up juice to adults who complain because they didn't get enough, or got too much...


When I got home from work I met my boyfriend in the doorway. It is one of those days when I stop working around the same time as he starts. We're like two ships who meet briefly in the night. One quick kiss and then he was gone. When he comes home I'm probably sleeping.


Tomorrow I will be pouring up juice again. Maybe then the cup will be half full.

onsdag, november 16, 2005

As Good as it Gets..... For Now.

I'm not exactly making a career out of this blogging. So I tried to evaluate why.

At first I contemplated that it was because I chose to write in English, which is not my native language, so that even my foregin friends could step in to my world once in a while. I haven't written English in this way in years. I used to feel quite comfortable with it. More so than with Swedish actually because it seems like it's another me than the one who lives and breaths Swedish all day long.

It probably have some to do with my insecurity with the language but I'm pretty sure that other factors play an even bigger part.

This unemployment makes me uninspired. I feel empty. And when I don't feel empty I feel like complaining because the strongest feeling that can come over me right now is one of distress and annoyance over my situation. I've never been without a job or studies before in my life. I don't like it. I need purpose in my life.

I'm hoping to snap out of this some time soon. Hopefully get a job within my field and reunite with my sparkling personality and inspiration.

lördag, november 12, 2005

The Sulking Clown

I searched through all the jobsites today. About one hour later I had found exactly zero new jobs within my field. I thought there would be at least five new jobs that I could apply to and be rejected by.

No work experience.

That is all everybody seems to be looking for these days. Work experience. Kind of hard to have that when you just graduated. Doesn't matter if I would happen to be a genious with lots of new ideas. I would never get a chance to prove it.

But there is no point in sulking. It's just me and 78.000 other people with a higher education. I'm in good company.

In two weeks or so I have the good fortune to be working as a clown at an event. I'll be the sad clown sulking in the corner. After 4 1/2 years of studying I am entitled.

fredag, november 11, 2005

Maybe Sometimes You Just Get Lucky

One of my favorite artists is Jewel. The first two (and sometimes the third) albums. I fell in love with her when I was about 16 and it was the first serious relationship I ever had with my stereo. And what a beautiful romance it was.

On her second CD there is a song called Kiss the Flame (at least if you bought it when it was released, I've heard they removed it afterwards) that was one of those songs that took a while to fall in love with. It's a bit whiny. Not a Foolish Games wonderful kind of whiny but the kind of that craves a certain mood, or state of mind, in order for it to be enjoyable. Otherwise it can get under your skin and pretty much drive you insane.

That aside, the lyrics are amazing. And I came to think of it the other evening when I was about to fall asleep to the sound of my boyfriend's breathings after hours of talking and analyzing the world in which we live. I thought of my favorite part of the song.

"But wherefore art thou Romeo? Where have all the brave men gone? Show me one man who knows his own heart, to him I shall belong."

I thought that the request was some kind of utopia. And after meeting all those guys who had their hearts wherever it served their purpose best at the time I was convinced that it was just another one of those fairy tale bullshit that we want to believe in to make life a little bit easier to live. Like; the good always conquers....

It wasn't. Because I've found him. And it's better than any stupid fairy tale I ever read.