Enigmatic

I haven't yet decided what to do with this blog business. I guess I feel kind of inhibited and anxious of revealing too much about myself. Which is bullshit really because I am the only one controlling what to share.

Still, I'm not sure how interesting this restrained approach can be. Not only in respect to my poor readers but for my own sake. And I have really no desire to strain myself in an attempt to be enigmatic.

A couple of weeks ago I’d never even read a blog thinking they were probably all political and dry. An old classmate mentioned her own blog briefly and I thought it would be interesting to check it out seeing she spoke so passionately about the phenomena. So I did and I could really see the charm in the blogging experience for her, a person who has come so much further in being open about her life and her feelings than I have. I appreciated the blogging medium as a way of sharing your life with others, somehow therapeutic when you think about it, and very revealing. And as appealing as it was, it was definitely not for me.

I looked up some other blogs and was amazed by what some people felt comfortable sharing with strangers. There is a fine line between being open and being creepy.

Then by chance, I ran in to another type of blog. An American living in Sweden, writing about his experiences of Swedes. Like my friend’s blog, this was extremely charming but in a completely different way. It was not as revealing, it was more about observations and I found it extremely witty and interesting.

So I registered for this blog and thought I’d get started in being witty and interesting. Turns out I’m neither. At least not yet with all my inhibitions.

I did find an old friend here though, an amazing person who has inspired me a lot. And I found out that a lot of my friends think that this is a very good idea since they are scattered around the country (and the globe) and can finally get more insight in my life. So I might just give it some more time before I give up on my blogging career and hope that I will find my charming ways along the way.

Layers

I'm not sure if I will feel comfortable with this. Blogging that is. But I thought I'd give it a try.

I just came across this amazing blog through an online newspaper and I became, as they say, inspired. It takes a lot more these days for me to embrace that feeling. I don't want to say it is the result of innocence lost (all though parts of it probably is) it's more a result of expanding my spectra. There are more shades of gray these days.

The phenomena of publishing my texts is not at all new but somehow more scary. I wrote fan fic about ten years ago and for a couple of years and had a lot of readers. Fans even, if you could believe it, and I remember the joy of finding those flattering e-mails in my mailbox, urging me to write more. And I did, for a few years until it dawned on me that I did't enjoy it anymore and that the subjects and even the flattering started to feel old and trite. So I stopped publishing and that was the end of that.

Blogging and fan fic are miles apart though. I wouldn't claim that blogging is more personal because I really did offer a lot of me in my fan fic. But it was fictional and this is not. Well, it is not suppose to be anyway. I am not familiar so much with the rules of blogging.

I will just give it a try and see if I feel comfortable peeling off the layers. If nothing else, it will be the perfect excuse to practise on my English (which will be filled with typos, misspellings and grammar mistaces I'm sure).