The Horror, The Horror...

I went on an interview for a position as an international informant this morning and I honestly can't say what scares me the most; to recieve information of yet another failure or to actually get the job.

The whole experience of the interview was, to say the least, horrifying. He treated me as if I had worked as an informant for years, asking me questions that probably any qualified informant could answer in a split of a second, and demanded quick answers. I started to wonder if he had read my application at all because it would clearly tell him that I have limited experience. Then he confessed that his approach was rather agressive and that he understood that I could not possibly know these things with respect to my background. And I started to wonder why I was even there. With all of the 300 applications he'd recieved... I did not even impress myself.

I feel a bit discouraged about this informant business. It's sad because I've had that goal in sight for as long as I can remember. But everytime I get within reach of it I end up either devastated or doubting my own abilities.

I've never created an entire internal network by myself. I've never composed an actual communication plan by myself. I'm not even sure if I know what it is. I've never been a part of any board of directors or responsible for the communication of one. I've never had to defend a company in a press release...

Given the cance, I could learn and I know that. But it doesn't really matter when you are expected to master it before you've learned it.

It will be a cold day in hell before I get this job. My only solace is that whether I get rejected or, God help us, get the job, it is all me. I'm loosing or gaining this job on my own. And damned proud of it either way.